BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Everclear isn't food dammit
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
