we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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