her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Sext me about skeletons
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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