these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
