Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
