You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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