my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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