im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
