Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Randomize
