she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
