I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
