I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
