Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
