I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
