I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
