i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
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