My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Do vagina's smell?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
birth control should be required to get into college
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
