So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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