bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Randomize
