I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Randomize
