Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
