dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize