Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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