Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize