Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Randomize