think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
