You don't have asthma, your pregnant
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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