why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
