I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
you had me at cake vodka
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
