Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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