I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
