Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
