Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Randomize
