K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
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