I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
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