Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
a search helicopter?!
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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