you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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