google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
