if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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