Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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