I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Randomize
