cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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