operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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