so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
