i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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