Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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