where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
You were trust falling into bushes
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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