today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
