Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Moan for me like Helen Keller
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
