I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
