you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Randomize
