:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
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