I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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