he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
porn star boner night. come get it.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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