Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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