i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
love makes seman taste better
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
