so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
