oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Buhtt sex?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
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