That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
