The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
