So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
he was CRYING into my vagina
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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