well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
i think im in europe. pls send help
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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