____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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