we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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