my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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