I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
