His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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