I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
