god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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