Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
How external is "for external use only"?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
